you know... sometimes when you do ur hw u feel like there's smth better to do other than... studying and stuff. well.. let's just say yes . first i feel like doing hw but the moment i look at it, i want to do smth else. so i switch on my laptop and then i realised that i dun hav anything to play or read or watch. and then u feel like wanting to do ur hw... sigh! why is that whenever i am busy i'll have a whole stack of stuff to do and when i'm free , i'm free.
well i've started trying to type the hw, you know. But i started on para 2 and felt super sian thus ,,, nth.I've decided on Mathilda , for my book review. c.c and the secret dragon society for the oral.
and of course another book that i have not decided.
chinese... *groaned* uhm i can't even get past one page! why>? i was kinda... okay fine i'll stick to the truth. i can' read a lot of the characters!
就是这样所以不能读吗, miss rahimah 还说我有一天已定能够找到我喜欢的书. 有找到不懂的读有又没用.sigh i used a new chinese program that allows me to type characters in chinese for only 30 days... no free meals in the world these days.
and this ends my very very short post about homework again
JIARRA!
^_^

- Y staring out into the night

sigh it's so boring... sigh sigh sigh sigh sigh i tomorro gonna start my hw ler
dunno what books to do for cl book report... o_O" and then oso gt the eng book reports
i think sec 2 is the time i shd get serious and when i mean serious ,,, that's basically torture
for myself TT__TT just so i could get into the 3 express classes of sec 3. planning is never my good point, yes do yo want to know how i decide things? oh you know those temple the praying , sometimes when you want to ask the God questions you throw the red colour thingies into the air
and if they are on differant sides one bottom, one up then it means yes .... okay i dunno how to describe it... anyway i oso decide things by writing words on pieces of paper and then throw into the air. the first i catch will be the decision....
okay that's dumb of me , i noe >,<>

my real job? oh first job choice- teacher
but seriously i kinda feel sorry for our dear teachers coz basically the students aka us , most of them just ignore the teachers... lolz and one thing for sure i have 0 teaching skills . why? oh i noe coz i taught my bro English and math and basically it isn't the best sight.
how i teach. -
(munching on potato chips) okay so first huh you do this question if you donno , read the question again and just dun cao wo. okay? (then continue eating) lol much?

huh you dunno how to do this question? ai ya very easy la ~* the books u write b then the apples you write a then use algebra method. i'm teaching a primary 1 kid and i'm telling him to use alzebra method?! what the hell is going on with my head?!

english? oh let's just say it's worse.. ><
uhm aiya when you see it's singular u just put the s behind the word can?

aiya just do lar , the multiple chioce questions just any how tikam can ler. one question have a 25% chance, so yeah

okay i'm so ahamed of my pathetic skills ... TT__TT well for sum weird reason...=> my brother;s english improved
ALOT
okay that's so weird... i dun even noe i shd feel happy or just plain weirded out.

2nd job chioce- director
yes my ideas are preety good however, the chances of going into stardom is like nil. i'll probaly starved by then
3rd job chioce - computer ta
yes but i'm only good at video editing >_<>
4th job chioce- author
same thing. i'll probaly starve before i became a massive book seller...

so what do i do?
what subject am i gonna take?
seriously i just dunno
wanna sleep ler ...YAWNZ

- Y staring out into the night

so now my personality is.... 'blunt'
okay that's .... uhm .... i ..... nvm , that's another person who does not understand the honto no jibun watashi. heh that's so melancholic, it's a twisted life of mine. coz not even my mother , my best friend , my whoever understand even 1/22 of watashi ...
most people says I'm cold hearted, heartless, cold blooded ,etc .
you know wat? i have a heart too. i get hurt easier than normal people, that's why i wear a mask. the mask that helps me to pretend i'm alright while i myself is crying.
i am a good actress i suppose , always lying , always trying to pretend to be someone else instead of the honto no jibun of myself. why? coz i'll be a stupid crappy crybaby , always hiding in the toilet or under the covers in the dark to cry.

sometimes you wan to have someone understand you too... but when one looks around and see nobody is that what you call 'true loneliness' coz u can't talk to anybody.

it's so hurting to see something like this...
Friendship is so difficult to understand.I really dont get it.
Yea, of course i dont. Why am i drifting further away from my besties... I wanna get close,but will they let me? Think about their new life, new friends, new everything.... I cant geta word in.
I wanna partner 789. Only her. Wanna chat with her, wanna smile with her, wanna share all her joy and sadness.
123 keep telling me i'm hurting 012, but she seems fine getting alongwith 123. During orientation, I tried my utmost to befriend 012 , but she only cares about 456.Now she wants me, i have bonded with 789. I hate all this kind of situation! I can reallytalk to 789 about private stuff. Stuff that i cant really talk to with my besties, even if they are my besties. 567 is sticking to 456, and i kinda understand, but 789 and 456....their personalities are more matching though. Nevermind, at least 789 has me. I dont get it. I really dont.
Talking to 123, she wont understand. She doesnt know. Doesnt care. Hurt people unknowingly by being blunt and not even practicing a little tact. I put on a brave face,try to listen, try to understand. Our personalities are too far apart[dont even mention ourway of thinking]BUT I DONT BLOODY GET IT!!!!! AHHHH!!!!

123=me
012=lf
456=j.s
how can you try to understand me when you dun even noe me?! nobody bothers to know
coz that's just the way it is. i'm removing the tagbox. what's more wose than a forgotten somebody.
dear christine,
the longest chat i ever had with l.f is about the meloncholies of the both of us being pushed away by you and j.s . other times were just ... nth but a few questions and stuff. both of us are hurt... j.s yes i like her too , however , she's also pushing me away too. loneliness again. so i ask you how do you feel if you are pushed off buy 2 of your good friends? you know although you would not believe me but you can talk to me about some stuff ... i'm preety good at conforting ppl because there's alot of things i have experienced be4 , expecially love and friendship.
love is a sore subject to me. why? maybe you can guess. i shan't explain further. love hurts is the onley thing i'm gonna say. everyone wished to be loved, and that includes me. however, after that experience i learnt smth... i'll never fall in love foolishly because someone like me would never love , someone who is nerdy and ugly never would be allowed to love. that's my conclusion and it would be the end of my message to you. i hope you have even took the time to even read it. so yea//...

dear jing shan,
i noe you dun like to be left alone and become a loser like me , however ,,, you may not know it but dun you know how much it hurts someone to push one away? that's okay i understand... but please do not forget to .... practice some tact when talking to me.... my mask's tactlessness is hurtful too i noe, i sometimes cry because it's voice is always lingering in my head and telling me hurting and spiteful words... well i'm so sry if i too hurt you. i dun mind if you sort of hate me.... coz i noe it's my fault , my own fault of locking my heart away and only opening it when i can't bear it anymore like now. maybe you are just a bit naive that's why you believe , you believe that ..... oh well nvm. it;s okay. thanks so much for even reading the post.

so this is the end of my post. why is it always that, whenever i open my heart i'm always crying?
could it be that... i've never been happy after my naive days were over. those childish easy going days . how melancholic. well then... there's nth more to be said....

- Y staring out into the night

http://www.veoh.com/videos/v16297003YA96xJgy

GO OR I'LL KILL YOU COZ I CAN'T PUT IT HERE YOU HAVE TO FREAKING CLICK IT ON UR OWN it's a love song btw
next mmv song could be crushed or ... don't miss you
both love songs... but... w/e

- Y staring out into the night

topic1 - youtube
YOUTube kills quality..
all the anime, videoes that r uploaded in youtube are always so.... foggy
Grr STUPID GOOGLE...i'm uploading my new mmv into veoh too coz
seriously ,,, my video looked too noobish in the hands of youtube. not that my video is good , but it just makes it worse TT_TT my new acc , 'iicymilox3' kawaii name rightx? heh^_^(proud) of course that does not mean i'm not using my other acc sweetzmeltx with 43 subscribers(hope will go to 50 soon >< ) i mean yea ... my series not so good, every ep is less intresting than the last
maybe i should just stop making series and go all in about mmv

topic2-weird stuff happens
okay i bought a new exercise booky , and was walking behind li fang,,, with a preety stupid expression- those kinda expression that is basically very 'huh' look .. so yes i'm walking...
and then suddenly a hand shot out???! and grabbed my BOOK?! uh-huh i turned feeling even more 'huh' than earlier. then saw a guy in purple house t-shirt with my book smilling and laughing at me..
i stared back and went heh. his friend nudged him and he returned my book
by then i was in the state of confusion so simply i ran after l.f who's way infront already and did not see the scene...
the thing is i dunno this guy and he pranked me what the hell la
or maybe i do noe him and basically i forgot ler(it took me 6 freaking mths to remember everybody's names) sigh so weird sia
that's not what really bothering me but rather the fact that i was always pranked by lots of people...sigh ... do i have a note that says ' stupid idiot women' on my head or what?!

topic3-sink or swim
miss rahimah told us that the promotion exercise ended on friday 4 pm, ahh miss rahimah so kelian. btw i was kinda scared stiff that i will retain , i dun really mind going to 2b only problem is my mom . but retaining is too much thank you very much. yokata i did not retain or drop class.
(pheww) scared me for a moment there ... well 2 other people dropped.
since i dun have their permission to blog about them , i shall not say the names (1h people pls shut up) so yea it's a sink or swim deal

topic4- stuff that i dun care but is important
-today there is a S talk
-miss rahimah mentioned that 1g students joing our class as our class is too small, isn't smaller number cuter? just hope it's not some..... certain people. there's enough drama in this class already.
-fell asleep during S talk coz yesterday never sleep petted on my head by ms soo, oops
-got caught drawing in S talk , shit
-recess food too salty eww
-feel lethargic and go home slept for around 4 hours yes crazy
-blax. and that's it. full stop.
(edit)

topic 5-internet connection
it sucks coz my room is the farthest from the bloody internet source so no chioce very slow. cannot play anime in high quality .gggrrr. this sux sia so continue blog for a while until com's internet better...

topic 6- mmv contest
actually i entered my mmv into a mmv contest. hope i win smth but there are only like 3 prizes so chances of winning very slim... ,,>< ""
actually can anybody please send in song requests or smth
tell me what song you guys like cozzy i dunno what i shd do for my next mv
so pls pls write ur fave song in da tagbox i'm putting in later
thanks so much you can even spam my tagbox with differant song titles
i dun mind
the song can be either japanese, korean , english or chinese
more prefably not chinese though
okay let's check out da internet connection

- Y staring out into the night

it'd 5.40am. i dunno what i'm doing here waking up not like i gt anything to do so go blog lor. (ach00) woke up to find myself on the floor ... sian ahz
l.f kept call me watch irrulasei (uhm it's not spelled like this but w/e) and finally i go check wat it is . Apparently, that's the anime my oldest cousin , a girl likes....and i watch it b4
and basically i dub like. remember gt one guy with white hair and nekomimi and a mob that looks like a panda...=__= yea that's all i remember i suppose
welll anyway -yawns- uhm stopping my post ler so yea

- Y staring out into the night

ever heard of the sentence, 'those who do not know, teach' ? well i tell you it's true, not meaning much of the teachers but basically the whiniest of parents. and who would that be?
my parents la
who else? from i was a kid, the 2 of them kept telling me that i should respect them as they are older than me. i do not. why? coz they are neither wiser nor smarter than i. why is that so? coz basically if they took MY TEST they'll probably get F9s on ALMOST ALL the subjects
so why should they criticize me when they themselves are nowhere perfect.

my mother was a perfectionist, someone who makes sure things are perfect. OH NO, she doesn't care about herself being perfect. it's us her children who have to be perfect.
is that fair? when i have never wanted nor cared to be perfect.
thank God for giving me some self resilience or i would have became the robot my mom always dreamed of. masterpieces of the society as she called. What a pathetic woman when herself was nothing near perfect
She's a super Buddhist or so she presume however she fails much to do almost all the things.
the ultimate goal in Buddhism is...(wait i have to think) smth about free from suffering
well suffering . the first step is to not wish for anything and be happy with what one has.
she failed that
she was forever never ever satisfied
soon i did not care for giving her the satisfaction of boasting my results to her fellow
friends who share the same interest. that was when i was p4 (or it's just coz i started to want to play games lmao) and so i ignored whining from her and received my bitter medicine
caning is an obvious step i suppose. i have lived through these years to see 13 years of moons.
what a surprise and achievement for i doubt nobody could possibly live through these few years. i should be proud heh
i guess the weather's turning me emo.
or maybe it's just something called 'the melancholy of my life' heh
that's right i guess
i hate them but they don't know. i appears quite ..say... emotionless or insesitive to emotions and feelings of other people.
why is that so? well ... that would be because of my family background.
for 10 years, .... i have never felt loved before

- Y staring out into the night

ahh these days so bored
just deleted last post ler
coz that post so emo... well w/e

- Y staring out into the night