so now my personality is.... 'blunt'
okay that's .... uhm .... i ..... nvm , that's another person who does not understand the honto no jibun watashi. heh that's so melancholic, it's a twisted life of mine. coz not even my mother , my best friend , my whoever understand even 1/22 of watashi ...
most people says I'm cold hearted, heartless, cold blooded ,etc .
you know wat? i have a heart too. i get hurt easier than normal people, that's why i wear a mask. the mask that helps me to pretend i'm alright while i myself is crying.
i am a good actress i suppose , always lying , always trying to pretend to be someone else instead of the honto no jibun of myself. why? coz i'll be a stupid crappy crybaby , always hiding in the toilet or under the covers in the dark to cry.
sometimes you wan to have someone understand you too... but when one looks around and see nobody is that what you call 'true loneliness' coz u can't talk to anybody.
it's so hurting to see something like this...
Friendship is so difficult to understand.I really dont get it.
Yea, of course i dont. Why am i drifting further away from my besties... I wanna get close,but will they let me? Think about their new life, new friends, new everything.... I cant geta word in.
I wanna partner 789. Only her. Wanna chat with her, wanna smile with her, wanna share all her joy and sadness.
123 keep telling me i'm hurting 012, but she seems fine getting alongwith 123. During orientation, I tried my utmost to befriend 012 , but she only cares about 456.Now she wants me, i have bonded with 789. I hate all this kind of situation! I can reallytalk to 789 about private stuff. Stuff that i cant really talk to with my besties, even if they are my besties. 567 is sticking to 456, and i kinda understand, but 789 and 456....their personalities are more matching though. Nevermind, at least 789 has me. I dont get it. I really dont.
Talking to 123, she wont understand. She doesnt know. Doesnt care. Hurt people unknowingly by being blunt and not even practicing a little tact. I put on a brave face,try to listen, try to understand. Our personalities are too far apart[dont even mention ourway of thinking]BUT I DONT BLOODY GET IT!!!!! AHHHH!!!!
123=me
012=lf
456=j.s
how can you try to understand me when you dun even noe me?! nobody bothers to know
coz that's just the way it is. i'm removing the tagbox. what's more wose than a forgotten somebody.
dear christine,
the longest chat i ever had with l.f is about the meloncholies of the both of us being pushed away by you and j.s . other times were just ... nth but a few questions and stuff. both of us are hurt... j.s yes i like her too , however , she's also pushing me away too. loneliness again. so i ask you how do you feel if you are pushed off buy 2 of your good friends? you know although you would not believe me but you can talk to me about some stuff ... i'm preety good at conforting ppl because there's alot of things i have experienced be4 , expecially love and friendship.
love is a sore subject to me. why? maybe you can guess. i shan't explain further. love hurts is the onley thing i'm gonna say. everyone wished to be loved, and that includes me. however, after that
experience i learnt smth... i'll never fall in love foolishly because someone like me would never love , someone who is nerdy and ugly never would be allowed to love. that's my conclusion and it would be the end of my message to you. i hope you have even took the time to even read it. so yea//...
dear jing shan,
i noe you dun like to be left alone and become a loser like me , however ,,, you may not know it but dun you know how much it hurts someone to push one away? that's okay i understand... but please do not forget to .... practice some tact when talking to me.... my mask's tactlessness is hurtful too i noe, i sometimes cry because it's voice is always lingering in my head and telling me hurting and spiteful words... well i'm so sry if i too hurt you. i dun mind if you sort of hate me.... coz i noe it's my fault , my own fault of locking my heart away and only opening it when i can't bear it anymore like now. maybe you are just a bit naive that's why you believe , you believe that ..... oh well nvm. it;s okay. thanks so much for even reading the post.
so this is the end of my post. why is it always that, whenever i open my heart i'm always crying?
could it be that... i've never been happy after my naive days were over. those childish easy going days . how melancholic. well then... there's nth more to be said....
NO exams
Tank's NEW Album
